Dula? Doola? DOULA!

The word doula comes from the ancient Greek language meaning "female servant," but it has come to mean a labour support person - someone knowledgeable about birth who will support the labouring woman and her partner before, during, and after birth. Anyone can call themselves a doula and often the woman's sister or friend will assume the role, but professional doulas are trained and some are certified by organizing bodies worldwide. Birth doulas provide information to the expecting woman during her pregnancy, emotional and physical support during her labour, and immediately after the birth. Postpartum doulas work with families in the 4th trimester (the first three months after baby is born) to help encourage, support, and provide information.

Now that we've got that out of the way, what do doulas actually do? Do you need a doula for your birth? What about after baby is born?

Let's talk about birth first. Birth doulas provide continuous support which has been shown to have many benefits including improved maternal and fetal health. Just how does a doula support a labouring woman? It depends on the woman! Some women need a gentle touch and encouraging words while some need to be left alone; some women like knowing their doula is there for ideas and suggestions; and some need a lot of physical support. Whatever you need, your doula is there for you.

Doulas are really handy when it comes to keeping mom comfortable, whether it's applying a cool cloth to the forehead, making sure the room is warm/cool enough, dimming the lights, suggesting different labour positions, or keeping mom hydrated and fed. But there are also things that are taught in the trainings - providing pressure on the back for pain relief, the use of a rebozo - a long, scarf-like piece of material - the use of a TENS machine, massage techniques and something called the double hip squeeze. These are only some of the comfort measures and tools we bring to each and every labour.

A doula can help you feel confident and empowered. A doula can hold your space and hold your hand. A doula can let your partner take a break. A doula can make a world of difference.

As for postpartum doulas, we joke that they try and work themselves out of a job. Postpartum doulas are there to answer any question relating to your new baby or your postpartum body. They are often trained to help with breastfeeding and sometimes baby wearing, cloth diapering, and can always find great resources in the community for anything challenging that comes up. They work with you to help you find your new normal, to find your rhythm, and to blossom into your new family unit.

Want to know more? Want to meet some Ottawa doulas in person? You're in luck. There is a FREE information session Tuesday, July 15th at 7pm at the Ottawa Birth and Wellness Centre. You can ask all your questions and maybe find a doula you like.

Hope to see you there!

Kamerine is mom to Little J and Little K.  She documents her life with two toddlers, a husband and a cat at The Life of K. Kamerine is also a birth doula, and you can find out more about her services at Tiny Feet Doula Services.

Non-Profit Daycare Centres

We all know finding good quality daycare for our children is a top priority if we return to work. I'm happy to welcome Catherine on the blog today, as she tells us more about her daycare experience.  For me, becoming a parent has undoubtedly been the most rewarding and challenging thing I have ever done. Along with all the many high points (first smiles, wonderful hugs, “Mommy, I love you so much!”) and low points, (the multiple night awakenings, tantrums) come the pressures and stresses of being responsible for another being. Especially with my first child, when it came time to make a decision about childcare I found the options overwhelming: nanny, nanny-share, home- based daycare, centre-based daycare, non-profit vs. private, English vs. French, etc. I barraged myself with questions: where was my child going to get the best care? What did this mean? Where would  she have an enriching experience? Where was she going to be the happiest? And what about us? What would make us the happiest?

In the end we chose a non-profit co-op daycare in our community 2 years ago, and are very happy with our choice. This was made even clearer to us when we needed care for our son and put him in a private daycare centre (he could not attend the co-op centre where our daughter attends until he was 18 months old). Our son was very happy at the private centre and he received good quality care from the educators, but it was in another neighbourhood - so we had to do two drop-offs and pickups everyday, which was a particular challenge if one of us was out of town. Our experience with the administration was very negative, we were rarely informed, and never consulted about what was going on at the centre. The fees were higher, we were expected to provide lunches, the snacks provided were often sugary and insubstantial, and the staff were not well treated or paid well, which resulted in a high turnover.

Our son joined our daughter at Capital Daycare Centre as soon as he was old enough. It was a relief for us to be able to walk our kids to daycare and spend less time in cars shuttling them around; something I am sure we will have to do enough of as they grow older and become more involved in activities. We were happy to have our children attend a centre with other children from our neighbourhood who they would also see at the park and on our street, making it easy to foster friendships with other families. As well, Capital Daycare has been providing child care to the families of Old Ottawa South since 1973 – that’s 40 years! And many of the staff have been working there for over 20 years, which makes it feel more like a family than a centre. As a co-op, the centre is managed by a Board of Directors made up of volunteer parents and staff, which gives parents the chance to be involved in the operation of the centre. I have enjoyed the opportunity to serve on the Board for the last 2 years. This has helped me to feel connected to the centre and a partner in the care my children receive, rather than a customer purchasing services.

Every family must weigh many factors when choosing child care for their child/children and make the best decision for their family. For all the reasons above, and many more, the non-profit co-op daycare in our community is the right choice for our family.

Non-profit daycare centres, such as Capital Day Care Centre, are increasingly at-risk of being pushed out of the market by private centres due to cuts in provincial and municipal funding. Our centre recently underwent a 5 year financial planning exercise which showed us that the centre will not be financially viable in 5 years if we are not able to significantly increase our revenue or reduce our costs. In light of this, the Board has decided to make fundraising a priority. We have our first big event planned for May 25th - see below for details. I hope you will consider coming out to help us support keeping good quality, affordable child care in our communities!

Five Tips for Your High Needs Child

I remember writing on my personal blog a long time ago about my high needs toddler. This was a little girl who had grown from being a high needs baby - one that requires constant holding and comfort (and will scream bloody murder the entire time).

Well here we are two years later, and I can say that the "high needs" part of my child is the gift that keeps on giving ;)

My daughter is extremely smart, engaging and often hilarious. But with her intensity comes extra challenges:

• Clothing is still her enemy. She has a handful of things she will wear over and over. Anything that is restrictive is out of the question - no arm cuffs, no jeans or pants with buttons, and only specific socks will do.
• Obsessive compulsive - she likes to repeat certain activities or patterns. For example, bedtime must consist of the exact same routines and words repeated, or she tends to lose it.
• Picky eating - food cannot touch each other on the plate, and she freaks out over various ingredients. She doesn't like "black specs" in her dinner (i.e. spices), "chewy meat" or meat with fat, and certain textures are tough for her to swallow.
• Drama queen - any tiny cut or scrape is blown out of proportion. If it's actually a serious injury (like the time she fell off her bed onto her front teeth), you can expect hysterics to the point of passing out.

Although all of this sounds like we should be bringing her to the doctor for an assessment, I can say with certainty that we aren't dealing with any developmental disorder. She has done very well in all-day Kindergarten, and tends to save her emotional releases for home :) She is learning to write and read, and has no trouble socializing with other kids.

What it does mean is that we've had to become creative in finding ways to manage our daughter's emotions. My level of patience has gone up tremendously in the past few years, and I don't lose my temper nearly as often as I used to. It helps that my husband is very creative, and often comes up with great solutions!

1) Make things into a game. She won't go pee? Ask her if you can "pump" her arm to see whether pee will come out. Won't get dressed? Pretend her pants go on her arms and get her giggling.

2) Routine, routine, routine. I've mentioned my daughter is slightly OCD. Although she does well when we go on vacation or go out to special events, most days she thrives on a very strict schedule. School is actually a great place for her, because she knows what to expect. We find it more challenging when she is at home with nothing to do!

3) Wear them out. Staying at home and just "hanging out" does not go over well with our daughter (actually, it might be the parents who suffer the most!) We always go out and do something, even in a snowstorm! She also enjoys swimming, museums, gymnastics and soccer.

4) Don't sweat the small stuff. Really, is it a big deal if she decides to wear the same outfit three days in a row? We've learned to put our foot down over anything that could be dangerous, but have tried to relinquish power for many other things. That's not to say we don't have rules, but within those rules is a lot of flexibility (e.g. she won't wear her coat because "it feels funny." Our rule is that she has to carry whatever she chooses not to wear. Usually within seconds she's decided it's too cold outside not to wear her jacket!)

5) Be empathetic, but don't cater. We respect that our daughter has a lot of big feelings - often giving her a huge hug will help her to calm down a bit. But that doesn't mean that we cater to her every need. She eats the same dinner as the rest of us, despite protests over various foods (we always make sure there's one thing on the plate that she likes). And we DO find our patience runs thin when she's  disturbing the rest of the family with hysterics. There have been times we've chosen to keep her home from outings when she won't cooperate, and she realizes that the consequences are that she misses out on a lot of fun!

Do you have a high needs child? What are some of your tips/tricks for parenting them?

Making Time

The other day I wrote about making evenings work for myself and my husband. This got me brainstorming about ways to also make time for myself. Pregnant with my first child, I never fully appreciated the total lack of time I would have to give to myself as a parent. Both of our children haven't been great sleepers, so we've spent the past 5 years doing both daytime parenting and exhaustive nighttime parenting. So the snippets of time I've managed to find for myself have been spent trying to eat something (mostly chocolate), or collapsing on the couch.

Lately, though, the intensity of parenting during the early years has slowed down (just a bit!). My oldest daughter is becoming more independent, and we've been working hard with my youngest to get more sleep.

Of course, it's easy for this extra time to be frittered away by scrolling through my Facebook timeline or watching television. And hey, I love me some TV and Facebook, but I'm also hoping to focus on my own personal wellness - something that a screen doesn't usually help with.

Here are some ways I've been making time for me:

• I joined the gym! There is a gym at my work, and although it's certainly not pretty or modern, it does the trick. I do a quick 45 minute workout at lunch.
• I take meandering walks. We back onto a ravine, and on my days working from home, I'll take the dog out into the ravine and make my way slowly through the bush. This quiet time to myself has allowed me to do a lot of thinking!
• Instead of pouring myself a big glass of wine when I get home from work, I've been trying to take time to brew a nice cup of herbal tea. I sip on this while getting dinner prepped or doing the dishes.
• I joined a yoga class. Although it's only once per week, I'm LOVING the time I have to stretch and move mindfully

All of these things are so simple, and don't seem like much. But they've made a world of difference. I feel happier, and more grounded. Of course I have goals for finding even more time for myself too :) At some point I'm hoping I'll feel rested enough to get up early in the morning and practice meditation or yoga. I have a ways to go yet, but I think progress has been made.

How do you make time for yourself as a parent?

Recipe for raising a financially-literate kid

Preparation time: 20 years

Ingredients:

• At least one child (more if you are up for the challenge)
• Your words
• Your actions
• Toys
• Money
• Piggy bank
• Debit card
• Credit card
• Various investment vehicles of your choice (i.e. stock, GIC, etc)
• Patience
• Imagination
• Fun

Instructions:

This is one of those recipes that may turn you off because of the amount of work involved and the length of the preparation time. However, making anything great requires time and effort, and the end result makes it all worth it.

Step 1: Start off by teaching your baby/toddler to take care of his toys. Taking care and appreciating our possessions helps fight the need to constantly purchase more new stuff. Use the toys to teach the child to share. This will eventually turn into donating, which is important part of financial literacy. It shows that we are thankful for what we have and want to help out the less fortunate.

Step 2: Once the child starts asking you to buy him things, it is time to start frequently adding a good measure of pep talk as to where the money comes from, how mom and dad work hard to earn money and have to make choices about how to spend our money.

Step 3: When your child is about 5 years old, start giving allowance. The allowance is supposed to be a teaching tool for money management. It may be tempting to withdraw the allowance for misbehaviour, but I urge you to withdraw other privileges such as TV or computer time instead. This way you will not deprive your child of an opportunity to manage and learn about money. You should gently guide the managing process, and let the child learn from mistakes while the dollar amounts are low and stakes are not high.

Step 4: Make sure that as soon as the child receives any money, a portion is saved in a piggy bank or a savings bank account. Explain that by saving money as soon as it comes in, we are paying ourselves first before we spend the rest of the money by paying others.

Step 5: Teach the everyday important money management skills like budgeting, couponing, price matching or how to look for the best deal.

Step 6: Buy a stock for your child of a company that they admire like Apple. Follow the stock and the company, then buy a different investment vehicle such as a GIC.

Step 7: Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of debt and credit cards. Explain credit interest, credit rating and credit history. When your child turns 18, have them apply for a credit card, and for the next couple of years closely monitor and coach credit card use.

Sprinkle each of the above steps with fun and imagination for more enjoyable experience, and don’t forget to add a generous helping of patience.

Enjoy and show off your creation!

Maya Kuc Corbic, CPA, CA is a financial literacy expert. She is an experienced Chartered Professional Accountant and the founder of DINARII Financial Education Academy, whose mission it is to teach children and youth financial literacy skills. They offer fun and engaging workshops to schools. They also hold workshops for parents and provide tools so that parents can continue teaching personal finance at home. You can follow Maya on Twitter: @Educ8Money2Kids, or Facebook: Dinarii Financial Education Academy.