Simple Tools for Parents whose Children have Anxiety

It is interesting that what makes you worry is the same thing that stops you from living your life to the fullest. It is moving into the future or moving out of the moment. Living in the present can be a present to someone who is living with fear, worry or anxiety.

Worries, fears and anxieties come from thoughts of the past or future. In separating yourself from these thoughts you are able to replace them with a more positive or peaceful way of being. The same principles are used to end the effects of anxiety and master your life.

Children can get into a way of seeing the world that brings them unwanted feelings. This may come from having parents who grew up with fear or anxiety or from other beliefs that they have formed.

Parents may fear they are not offering everything they can to their children. They may fear for the future success of their children or for the safety of their children. This shows that you are a concerned parent and want the best for your child. This desire, tools and some consistency will allow your children to move away from anxiety and enjoy the moments in their life.

When my son was in grade two he missed more than half of the school year because he was to anxious to participate or even attend. I realized that both my husband and I grew up feeling quite anxious. My husband felt like he really needed to protect our children and keep them safe and I never wanted to put our children in a situation where they felt uncomfortable for fear of them experiencing difficult feelings.

It wasn’t easy but the first thing we did was to confront our own fears and get ourselves into a place of personal strength so we could be supportive. At the same time we found ways to help him live in the present.

He is now in grade eight, living without anxiety as a self proclaimed positive tween. He has a few remarkable insights on the topic: I always knew that I didn’t have to worry but I didn’t know how, I know that life just keeps getting better and better and what is the worst that can happen?

The first step to any change that you want to see in life is awareness and as a parent you must start with looking at your self. You can do this by answering these questions: Why am I concerned about my child’s worries, fear or anxiety? Where do these concerns come from? What can I change so I am not projecting these feelings onto my child? How can I grow?

The next step is to look at your child and your hopes for them and you can do this by asking these questions: How is this affecting my child’s life? How do I want my child to feel?

Equipped with this information you have put yourself in a place where you can make some change. There are so many tools that you can use to separate yourself from these thoughts and worries including: becoming aware of them, mindfulness, separating your worry brain, changing your focus to a fun challenge, and increasing your positive energy throughout the day.

You can raise your positive energy throughout the day with any relaxation technique, by exercising, listening to music or by doing an energy exercise. Here is a link to a 17 second energy exercise video that helps by getting your energy moving across your body:

Kaeli Van Regan is the founder of Living Inside Out. I combine my love of life and nature with education in Child and Youth Work, Life Coaching and Energy Healing to provide coaching to expand yourself and uplift your family. I live in beautiful Old Ottawa East with my husband and three children. There are tips and tools on the website www.livinginsideout.ca with a lot more coming in the next couple of months as information comes out about my upcoming book and program Parenting Your Way.

Twitter: @kaeli_van

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kaelivanregan/?ref=aymt_homepage_panel 

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVvQeRrM2EDjcPDM46BVmPg .

How To Keep Your Child Rested During Travel And Still Have Fun!

Spring is finally here! Some people are in the midst of travelling for spring vacation or trying to finalize a summer getaway with their family. As a mom, the concerns I have while travelling with my three favourite people – my husband, four year old and almost two year old – are much different than my non-parenting days. Things I think about today: do I have everything for the kids – diapers, snacks, colouring books and oh, snacks – lots... especially if you are going to be going on a plane! Once packing is covered, the next question that pops into my head is: where will the children sleep and can we still have fun and keep routines in check? Absolutely! This is one of the most common questions I get as a Sleep Consultant. So here are my top three tips to keep your child rested during travel so that you can still have a fun family holiday!

1.     Don’t over-schedule: Remember how I spoke about how preparing before vacation is different once you have children? This same rule applies once you arrive at your destination. You now have a child that needs sleep to be at their best during the day. Let’s face it, an overtired child who is exhausted (picture dreaded melt down!) is not what you had in mind when you planned your family holiday. So, try to honour your child’s needs and remember his or her limits. You know how much your child can handle.  Some ways that you can still be flexible: plan a fun and eventful morning, with a more restful afternoon and a dinner out. Skip a nap one day or have it on the go (i.e. stroller or car) but make sure that you are back for bedtime.

2.     Get help from the sun: Are you travelling to a new time zone? The best thing you can do once you arrive is get onto the new time as quickly as possible. Children will normally adjust more easily than adults do. Sunlight can help shift your child’s biological clock during daytime hours, so open the curtains or better yet, get outside for a family walk. As you’re approaching bedtime, do the opposite – dim the lights an hour before bed, use black out blinds or room darkening shades to promote melatonin (the sleepy hormone that the body naturally produces).

Remember, the years of making sure that you have enough fishy crackers and raisins on the plane don’t last forever! So enjoy planning and going on holidays with your family – have an amazing time!

Diane Dauphinais is a Certified Sleep Specialist and owner of Sound Of Sleep Consulting Services in Ottawa, ON. She has had the privilege of helping families in the Ottawa area achieve the rest they seek both for the child and the entire family. Diane is happily married with two wonderful children who love their sleep!

Website: www.soundofsleep.ca

Facebook: www.facebook.com/www.soundofsleep.ca

Connecting with your daughter: Mother/Daughter Journals

by Donna

I’m a mom of two little girls, 6 and 8. I was very close to my mom, and I hope to share a similar relationship with my girls. I read about Mother/Daughter journals somewhere online a while back, and the concept really appealed to me. As an historian by training, the thought of having a record of communication between my girls and I was instantly attractive. Also, as someone whose own mom passed away too soon, I would love to have such a keepsake.  So, one day at Chapters last summer I picked up a few pretty paper journals and tucked them away. I decided to pull one out this fall and wrote my daughter a short letter, and tucked it under her pillow.  I explained to my daughter that she could write back when she wanted, and could leave it in under my pillow for me to find.

My daughter seemed rather tickled about the process.  She asked me lots of questions: “Can I write about anything I want?” (Yes!); “Can I write whenever I want?” (Take your time!); “Do I have to tell you my secrets? (Only if you want to!); “Should I tell my sister?” (Let’s keep this between the two of us. She’ll get a journal when she’s older).

And then I waited.

And waited.

Weeks, a month rolled by. But one night, my husband and I went out for an evening. When I came up to bed, I noticed the journal peeking out. I was thrilled.  (I may have cried!) It worked. The journal has gone back and forth several times now, and my youngest asked last month if she could have one of her own (her older sister broke one day and spilled the beans). Entries from my youngest have been pretty basic as her literacy skills are still pretty rudimentary – but what great incentive to read and write! While the entries by my oldest have been mostly focused on discussions of Harry Potter, it is my hope that:

• The journal will provide a space to talk about potentially difficult topics.
• The journal will  let me into their quirky little minds (this is already happening – their observations of things make me smile)
• Writing in a journal will give them an opportunity to ask me questions about myself (how I wish I had the opportunity to do so with my own mom)
• ·We’ll have fun and strengthen our bond.

I wrote about the mother daughter journal concept in a facebook comment and it sparked a fair bit of interest. I’m eager to keep at it and see where it takes my girls and I. Maybe you’ll give it a try!

Let us know in the comments if you'd try anything like this or if you will!

Save money by using Flipp to price match

by Cheryl Snelleman

Mobile devices can do pretty much anything these days; you can use them as cameras, keep in touch with friends and family, keep your kids entertained while you run errands, and even track your health and fitness goals.  They're well worth the money you pay out to own them.  But your mobile device can also end up paying for itself when you use it to price match your every day purchases.

Price matching  is a great way to save money without having to visit every store in town, and it has become much easier to do with the introduction of flyer apps.  (Want to know more about price matching? Here's a How To guide I put together.) Flyer apps allow anyone access to any store flyer across Canada.  One of the more popular apps to use for price matching is Flipp.  This article aims to help people understand the app a little better in order to help make price matching less of a struggle.

About Flipp

First, if you don't have the app, you can download it here (Apple users) or here (Android users).

When you first open your new app, you'll need to enter your postal code or allow the app to auto-locate you.  This allows Flipp to locate stores nearest you to optimize your searching when using the app.  You then can choose flyers to save as your favourites- that is, they will be saved in your favourites section, available immediately whenever you tap the heart icon at the bottom of the screen.

Tapping on the magnifying glass icon will allow you to easily search all of Flipp's flyers either by store or by product, the latter being particularly helpful and one of Flipp's unique functions.  Searching for a specific product will bring up all the stores who currently have that item featured in their flyer.

Choosing an item to save to clippings folder

The Shopping List feature allows you to add your shopping list directly to the app, eliminating paper lists (which are too easily forgetten at home!).  When viewing your shopping list you have the option to view the flyers that feature your list item, or simply tap the checkbox to check it off your list.

The final feature on the app, and perhaps the best feature for price matching, is the clippings feature.  While you are going through the flyers, you have the option to tap on an item you wish to purchase and save that item automatically to your clippings folder.  There is sometimes confusion surrounding how to use this feature, so I will go into that in a bit more detail.

Using the app in store

When you're done checking out the flyers and making your shopping list, the clippings folder will provide easy access to all the items you wish to price match including the store name and flyer dates- most essential to the cashier when price matching.  When you arrive at the checkout, open up the app and go to your clippings folder.  You will find all of your items listed right there, and you only need to tap on the relevant item and show the cashier your phone.  The app will open the flyer and zoom in on the item you're purchasing.  When you're finished with one item, simply tap 'back' to go back to your clippings folder, and move on to the next item.

Your clippings folder- see the clipping icon circled in red

Most cashiers have experience using Flipp when price matching so you shouldn't have too much trouble using the app in-store.  They want to see that the store is within their price matching area (store name usually tells them this), that the sale is still valid (flyer dates show them this), and that the two products match.  All of that information is available when you show them your saved clipping, making the process of price matching using Flipp fairly straightforward.

Try out the app a few times on your own to get a feel for switching back and forth from one feature to another and it won't take long before you're comfortable enough to begin using the app in store.   It's easy to save a substantial amount of money especially when you have access to the best deals around!

Cheryl is a mom of two who blogs about couponing and saving money on her web site Thrifty Canadian.

Moms in the Weight Room

by Elaine

You just had a baby - you are exhausted, drained, emotional, and your belly is a lot flappier than it used to be. Believe it or not, this is the best time to start up an exercise program.  

After having my second (and last) child, I was determined to get into shape. I started playing around with the machines at the gym and doing my time on the dreaded treadmill, but I was not satisfied. I was also not ready, whatsoever, to set foot into the small, overcrowded weight room, which was mainly occupied by giant, spandex-laden meatheads.....BUT summer was around the corner and my local gym had a really good deal on Personal Training packages. 

I signed up. I figured my PT could show me ropes, and provide me with the confidence that I desperately needed to mark my place among the veiny, bulgy, sweaty specimens of the weight room.

Elaine's shirt: "Lifting More Than Babies"

I have now been lifting weights for two years. TWO YEARS! I have drastically changed my body shape from a party girl, beer-bellied, doughy shadow of a woman into a lifting, toned body that I can actually be proud of! I can carry SO MANY groceries! I have loads of energy to play with my kids, run errands, and clean house. My kids love watching me lift! What a great example for my boy and girl: Moms can have muscles too! I will admit that at first, the guilt of leaving the home to workout was overwhelming, but now it's routine. They expect me and encourage me to go.

With all that said, being a mom (or just a woman on a mission to live a healthy life) can sometimes make it difficult to take the initial steps into the weight room. It can seem very intimidating but I know you can do it! Here are a few tricks to help you dominate the weight room.

• Music - a blood pumping playlist and a good set of earphones are essential. It will help direct your focus on training and keep the distractions at bay.
• Information - not everybody has a budget for a Personal Trainer, BUT most gyms will give you a tour of the machines for free when you first sign up. This is a great opportunity to familiarize yourself with the equipment and gym etiquette. Don't be shy and ask a lot of questions! If you are comfortable enough you can also ask your fellow gym rat for pointers.
• Plan - you can do a bit of research on the net for workout programs and specific exercises. Just make sure that you are using credible sources. Knowing what you are going to do will take the guess work out of your visit to the gym.
• Form - watch youtube videos, go to the library, read fitness mags, follow fitness gurus on social media.....why? Because you need to know proper form for your individual exercises. Knowledge is power, and the more you know about your workout the less likely you are to injure yourself. This also helps boost your confidence when it comes time to perform. Some personal favorite sources of mine include BusyMomGetsFit, BUFF Dudes, and Blogilates. Every time I introduce a new move to my repertoire I repeatedly watch a video, study, and practice it in the mirror  until I am confident enough to try it.
• Be flexible - you have your plan, but you're sharing the equipment with loads of people. Don't get discouraged when someone is using the machine or weights you planned to use, just move onto the next one and come back when the equipment is free.
• Quiet time - no, you are not in time out. But if your nerves are getting the best of you, try hitting the gym during quiet time. You may be more comfortable trying out new moves when the gym is a little less busy. Ask gym staff when that time is. Summertime is usually perfect for in-gym experimentations since there seems to be a lower attendance rate.
• Men - men will look at you, so you might as well expect it. BUT, not for the reasons that you think. They are just surprised or impressed to see you, since the female population in this environment can be nearly nonexistent. No one is judging you. Repeat after me: NO ONE IS JUDGING ME!

The weight room, for me, is my sanctuary. It is my therapy. If I have had a rough day, which moms sometimes do, nothing soothes like pulling, pushing, lifting, dropping a heavy set of iron. The adrenaline rush, the pump, the satisfaction of doing something for me, by myself and separate from the home has made me way more confident and happy. Be brave, for the benefits of a hard workout can banish the newbie jitters!

Wowzers!

Elaine is a mom of two wonderful kids on a healthy lifestyle journey, studying towards a Nutritional Therapist and Advanced Sports Nutritional Advisor certification. Lifting heavy things makes her happy! Follow her on Facebook!